Say What?

 I figure there are things mothers or fathers of large families would like people out there to know. I have read some good 'ranting' posts about this as well as funny 'Top Ten' style posts on this same subject and you will find whilst there may be some differences. There are some universal pet hates. So here I go!

We don't consider how many children you have or don't have as any of our business, why do you consider how many we have as any of yours?

 We don't ask you about when you're planing to 'stop' having children (or start for that matter!) Why do you ask us?

 Is it because your brain stopped functioning after you had children that you assume we are all of below level intelligence? (Yes! You don't have to say it!)

 Yes we do know whats causing it and WE LOVE IT!!

 No we are NOT bad for the environment. What an absolutely stooooooooopid concept. For a number of reasons. (and DO NOT get me started on population control)  That is a prime exsample of 'keep it to yourself' right there. Sell your crazy elsewhere as we are full up with crazy on this side of the fence.

Yes we do have a T.V.   

If we are out and about could you try not to look at us as though the circus is in town? It is a little offensive. Try to imagine instead it is good old Brad and Angie and ooooh and ahhhhh (oh hang i said as if the circus wasn't in town.)

 The chances are that our kids are better behaved than yours, O.K  maybe not as quiet as there are MORE. Obviously, there are large families with out of control brats but  I'll go out on a limb here and say there are just as many 1,2 or 3 kid families with brats.

My personal fave and some other mothers too is the good old 'do they have the same father?'

 It might surprise you that quite often they do or the same father but different mothers if you take second marriages into account. Yes there are some large families where there are three or more fathers but ditto with smaller ones.

I was once asked AND I QUOTE  'Do they still see ALL their FATHERS' my reply to that was a genuine laugh and a big smile and a simple 'yes, they live with HIM'  (as in my particular case it was the most ridiculous question i have ever been asked and not QUITE the most insulting) Really people, that is just plain rude!

 No. Not all of us are of any particular religious or spiritual persuasion. Some large families are, and so what?

 One of the most dumbfounding comments I have ever heard was said to another mother of 7. She was accused of being selfish because there are others out there that can not have children. Which is true and my heart aches for them. But unless this mother is stealing others babies, I really don't think it is logical that her family size is the reason others can not conceive. - RUDE and STUPID!

Now that little bit there may have offended and if it did it was not my intention, much like I hope the comment made to that mother of seven was not meant to offend.

 "How many do you have now?'

One reply I saw to that statement of 'how many does that make it' (or words to that effect) was from a father of 7 who said ' 7 because 8 would be stupid' I have used that in response to two similar questions. I love it.

Now don't get your knickers in a knot if you have said some of these things and think 'but I was not being rude' (Though some of you were AND you know it) we know that in most cases it isn't your fault you just don't understand we hear that all the time. It isn't funny to us, it is nice you are taking an interest I suppose. But try to think of something else to say like you would or would not to a complete stranger! Like, 'what lovely kids' or nothing if they are not so lovely.

 No they are not missing out on the important things in life, unless you consider material things as important. Yes not all large families can afford every new gadget out there. Some can and do, some can and don't, some can't and do, some cant and therefore don't. But in MOST cases they have more people who love them, more people to lay down their life for them, more presents, more help... Just more.

As for quality time, notice I said quality? Mothers of many usually are more mindfull of quality time then those with one or two. We have to be, we worry about our childrens problems,hopes and dreams just like you do with yours. Did you spend less quality time with your child because you had another? Chances are you didn't. Chances are you were more mindfull.We are the same. Yes of course there are exceptions to the rule. There always is.

We are people too. We like to speak to adults sometimes. So when we go out we usually fall into 1 of 2 catergories those that spend the entire time worry about how our children are behaving and constantly keeping an eye on them because we, like you, dont like the idea of people thinking badly of our kids and unfortunantly the more you have the more people read into it when a child from a large family does misbehave in some way.

Then there is the other catergory, the parents that are happy to be socialising,it is probably the only time they have been out this century and are making the most of it. They know where there kids are and they are happy to let them go for it and have fun enjoying the company of other kids.Without running after them. So try to be mindfull of that. I tend to fall into the first catergory. But it depends on the occassion.

 There are more but I think you get the drift. I didn't mean for this to turn into lecture, which I fear it has but hey, thats life!

Follow this link to see a video of a family with 6 kiddies singing in the tune to the twelve days of christmas about other comments that those of us with big families can relate to.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxaD8xat6VDw&h=KAQHpyP2KAQFO7CPnZ6PH01I-BWY9IF5Qo73FLol77seFBw