I Bought A Camera...

Regardless of what the title suggests, this post has nothing to do with a camera, except that  I will  now have no excuse for not including pictures in my posts. I am really rapt in the camera, so it is a bit of a skite as well I guess.

My Beloved is not working this week nor is he helping anyone so that means I have my minion man all to myself. To celebrate this wonderful feat we went into town to visit my sister and pick up her old dining table ( she wanted it gone in that crazy, nesting pregnant lady kind of way and I was happy to buy it off her). We also made crazy plans for the backyard kitchen we are starting on tomorrow and when I say we I actually mean he, I have a HELL of a lot of washing to fold and am running out of reasons why it has not been done, although I did see this picture on Facebook today and it totally made sense to me!

When we were driving to my sister house something caught my eye in the local tip.

'Inspiration!' I said to My beloved who must have curled up into a ball on the inside when he heard it, because that always means I have had an awesome idea, that is totally doable, if you KNOW what you are doing... sadly I don't have that many skills I am more the 'Ideas Man'.

'What?' he asked me, but he had already seen it and knew what was going to be said next.

'Pull in. Come on pull in!' I said frantically waving toward the gates of the tip.

'I will just see if it is available.' I said to him opening the car door before he had come to a full stop and did a kind  of running jump out of the car.

'Be careful' he said.

A few minutes later I came out grinning. 

'Ten bucks.' 

'Oh yeah, don't you actually want to look at it first to make sure it is worth getting? And where the hell are you putting it? And what are you going to do with it?'

'Oh I am getting it! It will be our outdoor table in the backyard, it is perfect, it even has a hole in the middle for the umbrella.' 

By the time we had had that conversation I had jumped back into the car and we had driven one hundred metres and I was out of the car again, this time with my camera. 

'I am taking a picture!' I said. And I did.

As you can tell by My Beloved's  face when it was decided that this cable wheel was coming home with us (tomorrow)  it involved the use of a tape measure and some positive comments on my behalf at how it would fit in the trailer,  'No problem'. That, and my brother, who is at the time of hitting publish blissfully unaware that he is going to help us get in on the trailer. That is until tomorrow when I harass him mercilessly until he agrees ask him nicely to give us a hand.

'It might be too high to be a table love, it is too high for chairs...'

'Yes! But NOT bar stools! I said and then patted his hand and added 'It will be fine, don't worry!'

Once we finally got to my sisters house we talked about the 'Twinnies' and how I could not wait until her little identical twin boys were born and that five weeks was too far away. Then My Beloved and I loaded our 'new' dining table ( yes I KNOW I just finished making a new top for my old one but I have a new 'use' for it now) on to the trailer and then we set off home.

Tying the table down. 

Littlest Miss was enjoying the drive home.

On the way, we stopped at some lights and I saw this sign hanging from the top of a pub and naturally HAD to take a photo. It made me laugh and My Beloved said he would like to start attending...

My Beloved informed me that Husband Day Care was somewhere he might like to go once every few months. But I told him I don't have a husband so I can pay someone else to look after him and he was not going. ;)

Once we were home it was dining table arranging time. Until things change this is what we have decided on.
But things will change. :)

The top needs sanding and varnishing, but we are not too worried about that!

The kids christened it with the first Uno game and of course argument! 

A Letter To A Child That Will Never Be Sent

Dear Son/Daughter

Sometimes mummy just wants you to pick up your toys and stuff without having to scream like a deranged lady. What is so hard about picking up your crap when you are finished with it?

Sometimes Mummy just wants you to have fun that does not involve running and screaming in delight. What is so wrong with having quiet fun, sitting in one spot, not making any noise?

Sometimes Mummy just wants you to eat the food she gives you with a closed mouth and to then silently smile and take your plate to the sink, wash it up and put it in the rack. It is OK if you don’t dry and put it away.

Sometimes Mummy just wants to go to the toilet in peace. She really does not want to solve a problem or decided who had that doll first, you see, the truth is mummy does not care who had it first, she just wants to ‘go potty’.

Sometimes Mummy does not need to hear every single thought you have about well, anything. You don’t always have to tell her about your dreams that you may or may not have had it is OK she does not need to know!

Sometimes Mummy does not care that your brother is looking at you in a way you do not like. Lots of people look at mummy in ways she does not like all the time but you do not see her screaming out ‘don’t looooooooooooook at meeeeeeeee’ even though she might like too.

Sometimes Mummy does not care about that tiny insignificant scratch that sent you inside screaming blue murder, demanding a band aid, you see, you don’t need one, you just need to harden up.

Sometimes Mummy does not want to be your friend any more either, but she does not tell you that.

Sometimes Mummy just wants you to shut the hell up and go to bed. She does not care that you have only just gotten up.

Sometimes Mummy does not care about the boy or girl who is really cute and says funny things. You won’t remember their name in five weeks time so mummy does not want to bother learning it now.

Sometimes Mummy would love to scream ‘Get to the bloody point!’ when you tell a story. Because even though the names have changed the point is always going to be one of a small number of points that have always been the  same as it has for every kid, through out time memorial.


Sometimes Mummy does not want to watch you do that thing, because, well it is not really that good and she wants to keep doing what ever it is she is doing.



Sometimes Mummy just wants to leave you in the shopping centre/car park or vicinity that you are in when you decide to have a tantrum or get the sulks. But she does not. Aren’t you lucky?

But Mummy will ALWAYS love you no matter what you do or say.

LOVE MUMMY
 XXXX

Clean Your Room!

With Miss Independent and Little Miss home from camp ( where they had a fantastic time) and the fact that between them and Miss Thinker they had managed to COMPLETELY trash their room. I figured it was time to do some good old fashioned yelling. Even though My Beloved was asleep and I had a headache, I yelled.

'RIGHT! Get in this room and clean it up!'  The girls walked in to their room huffing and puffing as they went. I lowered my voice then to an inside one and reminded them that I wanted it clean. I wanted everything off the floor and everything put where it belonged. I then told them that if it was a mess when I came back in I would throw everything in the bin!

It was more of a threat than a possibility, at first at least, until for the fourth time in three hours I had to tell the girls to 'get in to it' the fourth time they had gone outside and Miss Independent had actually managed to climb a tree! Things had been done in the room, but not an awful lot and I realised it wasn't going to unless something serious occurred.

Switching off the mains would not work in this particular situation  but garbage bags would and i grabbed the whole roll of them and marched back into the girls room.

'I gave you ample time to do this.' I barked at them as I picked up shoes, books, toys, clothes, bed sheets and school bags of the floor and stuffed them in the bags.  Miss Independent sat on the edge of the toy box silently staring at everything that was going into the bags. Little Miss stood near her bed, thumbnail in between her teeth watching her school folders and uniform get shoved into the bag.

I felt like a bit of a bastard but I had a point to prove and it needed to be proven there and then. So I kept going grabbing at anything and everything touching the floor. Thankfully Miss Thinker was doing just that, thinking, and ran around the room grabbing everything that was hers and putting it up off the floor. I managed to fill three garbage bags. The pillow and doona filled one.

'Ash.' I called out to the Man Child who knew better than to keep a cranky mother waiting appeared pretty quickly.
'Put these bags in the trailer please.'I said and I winked he grabbed two, looked at me confused and walked out of the room. I followed him out and whispered, 'Put them in my room and shhhhh!'

'Why?' he asked

'So the girls get a fright.'

'Why?'

'Don't worry son.'  I sighed 'Just do it please.'

After listening to the girls cry for a few minutes I decided to save more heartache and let them know they had a chance to get their stuff back.  But it could not, under ANY circumstances seem like a backflip on the punishment. Luckily I remembered I had printed some 'clutter jail' cards out I found over at iMOM, a site a friend had shared with me on FB. I knew they would come in handy one day, and they did.

Putting on a brave face. Little Miss was a bit ripped off. The cards she picked to earn her stuff back
were pretty much the WORST cards that you could pick. Dishes for 3 days, Garbage man
for five days, fold four baskets of washing AND bail set at $5. Luckily for her I will consider
everything she does as $5 worth and she gets everything back before school starts... she lost her school stuff!

Miss Independent took it the hardest and was very happy to learn she could earn
her things back (she lost three pairs of shoes and her school bag in the 'round up').
Her cards were clean the bathroom, make your parents bed for four days, do two hours
 yard work and vacuum the carpet. She completed her chores except the yard work which I
will let her think I have forgotten about (shhhhh) so she gets out of it.

Miss Thinker lost very little but she REALLY wanted jobs too, so her pair of shoes and doll
have bail set at $3 and she had to clean the lounge room floor of toys. Her $3 was 'paid off by drying up.

It is true what they say. Parenthood, can be at times one hell of a bluff!  Lucky I have a great poker face!  ;)

Parenthood Are YOU Doing It Right?

I have to laugh at people who don’t have kids. They say the dumbest stuff when it comes to children and ‘ You know what you should do’,six words that can almost instantaneously make my eyes roll, is usually an indication that a dumb statement is about to be made.

These conversations are what I call ‘Humouring Conversations’ they usually start just after a child (yours or someone else's) has done ‘something’ be it a tantrum, failed at something or said something not particularly ideal. Out of social convention more than embarrassment or even care factor at what the other person has seen ( though sometimes it is pure embarrassment) the parent of the child makes a remark like. ‘He/she is so lovely when asleep.’ or a sarcastic ‘That’s my boy/girl.’ perhaps even a heartfelt ‘I don’t know what to do with that child’
That is usually when you hear it…

‘You know what you should do…’

What you would like to say is ‘Please, enlighten me. EVERYBODY knows someone with no children KNOWS everything!’ Instead you say something like, ‘Yes?’ or ‘What?’

The ‘Enlightened One’ then rattles off some crap that you have already tried (99% of the time) or you have not and will not due to the pure stupidity of the suggestion (1% of the time) and really is, of no help what so ever but you always say something nice and gentle in response. They usually go away thinking they have either helped you in your dilemma or believing themselves to be fantastic future parents and you, a ‘poor thing’ that just doesn’t DO it right.

We parents, however laugh a little dismissively to ourselves thinking ‘What a tosser!’ or if we are kind ‘They don’t understand yet, but they will, one day.’ (though more and more often lately, for me at least, it does tend to err on the side of ‘Tosser!’

That is not to say that we as parents ‘know it all’ there are many different ideas and ways of doing things with kids to change behaviours (what works for one child may have absolutely no effect on another) but the chances of a random childless person knowing what those things are, are very slim.

My personal favourite is when your infant/toddler starts a bad habit be it ‘fake crying’ a precursor to the good old fashioned tantrum, because they are starting to learn that if they make the appropriate noises (what ever they happen to be) the chances of getting what they want are greatly increased or a biting/hitting/slapping/pushing etc, etc, etc habit.

‘You should explain to them that they can not do that!’

‘Oh, really? That simple? I cant believe I have never explained that to them! Huzzar!! Problem solved!’ Some one always refers to that child as a brat. They also make these kinds of statements.

‘My child will never do that!’ (Yes. Your child will.  You will think it is ‘cute’ to begin with and it is, to start off with, everything your little bundle of joy does is cute but you need to have actually had a child before to realise it will escalate into not so bloody cute at a later date.)

‘Oh! I would never put up with that!’ ( Yes. You will. Maybe not forever, but you will for some amount of time until they are no longer ‘cute’ or you realise being a good mum does not mean letting your child get everything he or she wants when ever they want. Again, you need to have actually had a child before to know these things.)

‘When we have children they will… ’ (No. They wont. Not unless what ever it is you think they will be doing is still important to you once the child is here and you have got the energy to teach them to do the ‘thing’ in the first place. Of course you need to have actually had a child before to know this.)

‘I will still have time for me/us.’ (Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha OF COURSE YOU WILL! )

A Week Away

Today was hot. Very hot. I complained most of the morning. I was sorting Miss Independent and Little Misses bags for their five day school camp trip. The girls all tried to help, but all they were really doing was getting me muddled up. I like to be left alone to concentrate I don’t NEED to be left alone, but it certainly does make it easier and quicker if I am!

The List

Toiletries – Tooth paste, tooth brush, soap,sun screen, insect repellent

Day Bag for outings

Sun Hat

Sleeping Bag & Pillow

Old shoes, good shoes and thongs

Socks

Water bottle

Raincoat

2 1Tea Towels

Swimming outfit

2Towels

Fishing Gear

7 Sets of day clothes

Jumper

Jeans

P.J’s

(I added plate,bowl, cup and cutlery to the list just to be sure.)

It seemed simple enough. Until I realised that I did not have a raincoat for either of the girls and decided to just ignore that bit of the list. ( I do hope it was for rain and not to ensure they do not get wet from the spray of the ocean…) I also decided that 2 tea towels was just asking too much and only packed 1 each… surely they can hang the things up to dry over the course of the day/night???

After asking the girls to get their shoes and socks and P.J’s I started grabbing clothes out of the washing basket that had been washed and dried the day before but not put away, and if I was to be really truthful, they wont be put away until tomorrow, at the earliest, my money is on Tuesday however. I decided after a lot of hassle that I was just going to stick a top, a bottom and a pair of undies in piles then roll them up, one for each day, and add a couple of extra undies for ‘just in case’ emergencies.

I managed to pack their school bags with everything they needed. The sleeping bag and pillow were placed in the ‘day bag’ and I threw in some plastic bags for wet stuff, I figure if they actually need that raincoat, they will need the bags.

With the bags packed and My Beloved awake, we decided a trip to the pool was in order and spent the rest of the day swimming and after we were ‘pruney’, eating fish and chips on the foreshore at Tin Can Bay we came home and had a B.B.Q dinner ‘Ala My Beloved’. While it was cooking I unpacked and repacked the bags, just to be sure I had not forgotten anything. I didn’t. 

Everyone is now asleep and I am starting to have second thoughts about this five day holiday they are having… it is on an Island and I am sure the staff would appreciate an extra ‘helper’, besides I am nervous about their first trip away from me. Five days is a long time and I don’t think I can take it!

Mapping Out My Dining Table ‘Make Over’

I was sitting down with a cuppa waiting for the rest of the undercoat to dry before I finally finished the outside wall, with my mind already on a few projects I wanted to do. One of them was the lay out in our living area. It is open plan and the lounge dining and kitchen all meld into one. I considered bringing the square 8 seater table back inside and taking my rectangular wooden table out. The idea to paint it all white was becoming hard to resist.

But then I found this post by Kristine over at The Painted Hive.  She had the brilliant idea to give an old coffee table a new look simply by using a map to cover the top. Her post explains it all so check it out if it intrigues you. I have an old pull down school map, the same map that hung on the walls of my class room growing up. I had the opportunity to buy it two years ago and I have been loving it but desperately trying to ‘find’ the right place for it ever since.

My Beloved and I do not share the same taste in decorating and a school map is definitely NOT on his list of interior must haves, it is, however on mine!

‘Just get rid of it.’ he’d say to me when ever I’d wonder aloud where it should go.

‘No, I’ll get rid of you first!’ I’d always say.

But looking at the post of a map covered coffee table had me ecstatic. YES!!! That is what I will do with it. I thought and dragged the rolled up map out from under my bed. It is perfect, I am looking for a new ‘top’ for the dining table as the current one is quite possibly the most grotesque top known to man kind! Stained and yucky MDF, basically.

I will paint the table top white, I will sand back and give the legs a clear varnish as the colour of the wood is not too light and I love the grain in it. Not only that, it would look awesome against the colours of the map. I have decided to ‘decoupage’ the map to the table top. I will do that with varnish. Clear, high gloss varnish ( the stuff they use for floorboards as it is a table top and I want it to last). I will ‘glue’ it down with varnish then just give the map and the table top coat after coat of varnish until I am satisfied that it is well and truly covered. I will then get a piece of glass to sit on top, for added protection.

Then, before you can say ‘Wallah!’ I will have a beautiful table with out costing too much, that is unique and definitely to my tastes with very little actually spent to get it! ( I am choosing to completely disregard the cost of the glass) and if the cost is ridiculous there are many different thicknesses of clear plastic that you can buy from well, somewhere. ;p

I am off in the morning to buy a tin a varnish… I can’t wait for this project to begin!

Switching Off The Mains

A very weird thing happened today. The Man Child's room was cleaned, by him, in about ten minutes. It has been very difficult of late, and when I say that I actually mean since he was about five, to get him to clean his room properly and to get him to clean it with out sounding as though I have asked him to cut off a limb has probably only ever happened once, maybe twice.

Because I set my self a task of painting and de cluttering the kitchen and giving all cupboards a thorough wash. I was in no mood to have to repeat my request and at some point storm into his room threatening some kind of evil if he did not get his butt into gear.  So I gave him three chances, well technically two. I called out from the kitchen the first time.

'Ash.'

'Yeah?'

'Clean your room mate.'

'Yeah in a sec.'

'No, now please.'

'Yeah.'

A few minutes later I could still hear a faint drone of the Xbox racing game he was playing. I grabbed a tea towel and dried my hands as I walked to his room. 

'Listen,' I said to him as I stood between him and the TV ' It will take you all of five minutes. Pick up this crap.' I asked as I pointed to a pile of clothes on the floor with my foot. 'Hang up that.' I added pointing to a pile of shirts and shorts. 'Then empty your bin. It isn't rocket science. Don't make me have to ask you again, right!'

'Yeah, OK I just have too...'

'No, you don't have to do anything. Clean your room.' I walked out of the room and shut the door behind me and went back to the washing up. I listened for signs of movement in the Man Child's room and I couldn't hear any. After a minute I opened the door slightly and caught sight of his arms and the control of the Xbox. Right I thought. I'll fix you! Without saying a word I turned around and walked out the door towards the power box. I opened the door and flicked the mains switch to off. I shut the door and walked back inside and continued to wash up.

'What?' I heard him mutter to himself after obviously realising the power point and leads were not the problem. 'Hey MUUUUUM.' he called to me.

'I switched the power off, it will be on when the things I want done have been done.'

'What?? Are you serious?' he whined

'As cancer.' I said

It was ten minutes later I walked into his room to check on his progress. He was not in it, but it was clean. The clothes were even hung up properly instead of quickly flopped over a hanger.

Good to know! Good to know! I thought as I walked out and shut the door behind me, I'll be doing that more often.

The Bright Outdoors 2

I finally finished the veranda wall. Well thats not completely true. I still have to 'cut in'. But if you ignore that rather important fact or squint your eyes when looking towards the doors and windows it looks finished.

The colour is called Dulux Quince jelly and it is very bright but I am very pleased I went with my gut and choose it. I love it!!

I had a hard time finding the inspiration to finish it off on Wednesday I had late nights and was kind of ready to curl into a little ball and just sleep. Instead I finished what I had too and left the 'little details' until I had caught up on some actual house work.

The display 'thing' is still waiting for it's paint job. The house numbers have actually been painted whilst I was typing up this post by the ever helpful Big Miss. She is a good girl, our Aliesha.

So the 'display thing' and the house number and our Hakuna Matata sign still have some touch ups required.

'I left the cutting in till after I have caught up on the washing.' I told My Beloved when he mentioned it on his return home from his tour and taxi shift Thursday night, actually it was Friday morning at 3am.

'Is that what we are calling cutting in?' he laughed 'It looks like you just couldn't be bothered.' he added with a smile.

'It is what it is.' I said and walked inside.

If you look really closely to where the wall meets veranda you will see a strip of white. I am planning on sanding and staining the veranda next week (please note I said planning!!) so I shall cut in as I go. The inside of the door frames require painting too, they will get done at the same time.

This picture is from the outside looking in on the next area I started to paint, the dining room (moved from the other side of the lounge area). I had to get a  new top for  the table  and I have figured  out what I am going to do... I just need to do it. 

The paints not quite dry but it is done! Yes!... Just need to clean them up and 'she'll be like a bought one!' ;) Oh and just in case you are wondering, the house numbers are old, our house number is actually different now, has been for about five years or so... we just never got around to pulling those 2 numbers down and putting up the 3 that it requires.

The Bright Outdoors

The best ‘before’ picture I could find was this one. It is just a shame there is not more of the wall to look at. But you can see from the picture that it is all very bland. Since I bought the deep green plants I really noticed how ‘BLAH’ it looked. So I decided that the front wall of the house was getting a ‘make over’.

After Miss Independents ears were pierced yesterday I bought the brightest orange (yellow based) paint I could find. It was fresh and bright and it was exactly what the veranda needed! The name won me over almost as much as the colour ‘Quince Jelly’. How, ‘citrusy’. I painted a ‘sample’ on the wall yesterday afternoon and when I woke up this morning I went straight out to see if it still appealed. It didn't 

It looked washed out and as though it would need three or four coats to get it to look as vibrant as it did on the paint chip. I needed to paint the wall white first. Which meant I needed to go back in to town and buy the cheapest exterior white paint I could find. I had even considered buying interior paint but realised if I cut corners it would end up wearing out much earlier than the ten year guarantee that came with the extra ten dollars difference.

I made it home and started to paint the white undercoat after moving the furniture and setting up news paper and a drop sheet. The difference between the almost ‘dirt’ colour and white was amazing and the veranda seemed longer and taller almost immediately. I even considered leaving it white, but soon remembered that we live in the ‘sticks’ and have seven kids, that was a stupid idea.



So I alternated between white undercoat and orange. Littlest Miss played happily in her play pen and aside from when she had her lunch and a sleep she was a VERY good girl for me. Mr Cheeky was as well although I did have to remove a small paint brush from his vice like grip on three occasions and have to quickly wash down a stool before his ‘help’ dried.

.
I can’t help but assume Littlest miss is wondering why mummy hadn't finished her play pen BEFORE she started on the wall.



By the time the kids had made it home on the school bus I had done half of the front of the house and was exhausted. I started to clean up and put the furniture back so when I get up tomorrow, after the kids have left for school and Mr Cheeky and Littlest Miss allow, I can finish it off. I still have to ‘cut in’ around the doors and windows but I will not do that until the whole wall is finished. I have to paint the ‘display shelf’ the same colour as the wall so it is not as noticeable as it currently is. Then after a nice long rest ( a week I think so I can catch up on actual house work * shudders*) I shall sand and stain the veranda and My Beloved will actually have time off to build the ‘fake’ posts to make the thin 4x4 hard wood posts seem much bigger and chunkier.

After that we will be back out the back to carry on with the back yard. Because we have a plan to add an out door kitchen ( knowing My Beloved there will probably even be a sink out there as well) I have agreed to him adding his hooded B.B.Q to it instead of insisting on a fire heated B.B.Q because as he said, he is the one who cooks with the B.B.Q and it is much easier. But in return he MUST build me a fire heated out door oven. He agreed to do that as long as he could have a ‘bar’ area, which I agreed to as long as there was a small ‘garden’ in the middle  and that he built the out door lounge and fire pit where I wanted, the shape I wanted and in the style I wanted. We managed all this agreeing with out arguing debate and we are both happy.


Emma xx

621 Days Later

Today, 621 days after Miss Independents 7th birthday, she FINALLY got her ears pierced. It is a 'tradition' in our family that when the girls are 7 they get their ears pierced. Big Miss and Little Miss got their ears pierced within a few days of their 7th birthdays.

That's how it worked for all of us girls growing up. When we turned 7 we got our ears pierced and bought a baby doll. I got an anatomically correct 'African' baby boy , at least that is what I called him ( I loved everything African when I was 7and 8 then I became Inca obsessed . His name is George ( Benson- yes seriously...) I still have him and still love him.

But the actual point I am trying to get to here is that in OUR family when you are 7 you get your ears pierced during that same week! Not 621 days later! So today I decided to pick her up from school ten minutes early and take her to get her ears done. She was so brave that she didn't want me standing next to her when she got each ear done ( usually two women do it but Alannah wanted it done and was not interested in waiting another day!)

When it was done we bought chips and hung out in the car eating them and talking about 'when I was a girl'. We stopped off to buy some paint for my veranda and we came home to ooohs and ahhhhhs at how beautiful Miss Independent's earrings were. I didn't take photos, even though I meant to so that was disappointing  but as I said to Miss Independent on the way home

'Aliesha and Amelia didn't get photos either Alannah, and we don't want them to be jealous. So in a way it is lucky we forgot, isn't it?'

'Yeah.' She agreed... 'Hey mum I can't wait til I am 14.'

'Why is that?' I asked

'Because that's when Granddad buys the girls watches and YOU have to give me big, big party.'

True, they are other family traditions as well.

The Snake

For the past 3 weeks, every now and then, we have seen a snake, basking on the pine mulch of our garden right next to our veranda. Every now and then when on of us steps onto the path from our veranda into the yard we were alerted to its presence by the rustle of plants and the sight of a thick black 'thing' disappearing out of sight.

'Its a Red Belly Black.' I'd say. 'Thank god they are not aggressive snakes.' I'd add... as though I know all there is to know.

'Be careful of snakes!' is something that everyone leaving the house hears every spring and summer here. Because we live in a country with many snakes and some of them bordering on the most poisonous in the world, it is something every kids has heard growing up. We however live in a rural setting and our property has a lot of bushland, well scrub.

My gardens are big, thick with mulch and have a lot of grassy and bushy plants PERFECT for a lot of native animals, insects and reptiles. Which was kinda the plan. But the chances of some not so nice reptiles is tripled because of it. We have to be aware of them. No one spends their time freaking out about it, but in the back of our minds we are always aware there are snakes around somewhere.

So when My Beloved was having his morning coffee in his chair on the veranda the other morning and he heard a tapping sound in the Guinea pig cage ( the guinea pig is now free range). He thought the guinea pig had returned to its cage. Without a care in the world he turned his head to see our furry friend, But was instead witness to a big thick black snake.

'Holy shit!' he said as he pushed himself up high into the chair and froze.

'What?' The Man Child and I asked as we walked slowly towards him.

'Get back.' he hissed. 'It is in the guinea pig cage. Black snake.'

'Oh look there it is.' I said. 'Red Belly Black.' I added

'That's not a Red Belly Black!' The Man Child said

'Of course it is!' My  Beloved said.

'Well It isn't, Red belly Blacks don't have brown heads guys.'

'It doesn't have a brown head.' My Beloved snapped at him. My Beloved is petrified of snakes. He can handle tree snakes and pythons but any other type of snake scares the poo poo out of him. If he can avoid them then he is happy but to have one so close to his 'relaxing' area was just too much for him.

The morning went on and I was out on the veranda watering my new plants when I heard a rustle in a large clump of Madagascan Irises. I turned and looked. Nothing. I stared, still nothing. I continued on watering and then turned again to see a thick black snake in the garden out side the veranda of The Man Child's room. Hmmmm this snake is not going away I thought. It is going to have to die. Now it must be said that it is illegal to kill snakes in Australia DO NOT ASK ME WHY. But I was prepared to kill it if I had too. My family are more important than a snake when it comes down to it. EVERY TIME!

 This is where the snake and I weighed each other up. The gardens look after them selves and even though they do need some attention the local wildlife love them birds nest in them, Echidnas visit, lizards and  snakes are frequent visitors too.

'Ash! Get your father and a shovel.' I called out 'AND HURRY UP!' Rule number one when it comes to snakes in your vicinity do not take your eyes off it. Know where it is and get the hell away. I stood still and watched it as it slowly moved through the garden and as for the saying 'if you can hear it, it isn't a snake', well no one told this snake that. That's when I saw it had a brown head, a perfectly straight line marked the change in colour and I thought. OK NOT a red belly black and NOT a good snake. It was two metres long and I was now very concerned. 'HURRY UPPPPPP!" I yelled. The snake stopped moving and flicked its tongue in the air and we looked at each other.


Luckily My Beloved and The Man Child came to the rescue.

'It is not a good snake, scare it off and do not go near it.' I yelled at them as they went through the garden with the shovels. I ran inside and got my mobile phone. I ran back out and stood from a safe distance with my thumb on zero, I was ready dial triple 0 the second anyone made a sudden move or said ouch. Luckily no on did.

  'It was a Coastal Taipan.' I told them later, 'I Googled it.' And we all know Google doesn't lie, don't we?  ;p

THIS IS a Taipan. The snake we saw looked exactly the same except I must add his scales seemed 'neater' and his eyes more round. So he didn't look quite as evil as this thing.

The next morning we were off to a local pool to cool down when we saw the 'Snake Catcher.' After five or so minutes of chatting with the man about the snake we had seen the day before My Beloved came over to where we were set up and said.

'It was a tree snake by the sounds of it.'

'What?' I asked scanning the water and doing a head count.

' The snake. It was a tree snake.'

'Coastal Taipan.' I said 'Why? How does he know? Did you tell him how big and fat the thing was?'

'Yeah. He said if it was hanging around the house for so long it definitely was not a Taipan or a Brown or a venomous snake. They do not like people. We would have been bitten long before now. Tree snakes can get that big and fat and people just think poisonous snake when they see something like that.'

Well, I feel bad for the poor guy now.' I said doing another head count. 'Oh well. You learn something new every day. And worse still, your not a brave as I thought you were either.' I laughed.

'Brave is doing something you are scared to do. That's brave!' My Beloved laughed and he sat down and did a head count.

The Splurge.

I have been on a 'shopping spree' the past three days... mainly food and other household items but today I decided to really splurge and spent 100 dollars on plants. Now people who know me know I take cuttings and that is how I get my gardens to grow. I  DO NOT BUY plants... puhleeease what a waste of money!

I bought 16 potted peace lilies and a heliconia and a red arum lily. I spent the middle of the day 'beautifying' my front verandah. After I had finished I just sat out in the outdoor lounge soaking up the tropical feel, knowing full well that by that time tomorrow it would probably be destroyed  The dog would have dragged a cushion out into the yard to chew on, there'd be My Little Ponies and stuffed toys littering the floor. Mr Cheeky would probably have thrown a pot plant or ten off the verandah  you know, the usual.

 I also bought 35 carpet squares at 2 bucks each and carpeted The Man Child's bedroom. That only took two hours but if I had of moved his furniture out to begin with I could have halved the time. But I honestly thought I could just move stuff as I went along. But then I also thought/think the movie Swept Away ( the Guy Richie version of an old classic whose name escapes me) was a really good romantic and funny movie... only Guy and I share that opinion, apparently.

After I had finished basking in the glow of my orderly and purrrrrty Verandah I decided to treat the kids to Macca's ( My Beloved and The Man Child went camping on Tuesday and I figured it would be a cool treat as I never drive 30 minutes for 'junk food... I make My Beloved do that... Pizza and Movie nights!) We came home at 7 and My Beloved and The Man Child were home. I made them look at the carpet, the verandah and then I dragged My Beloved from cupboard to cupboard showing him my organisation and shopping skills.


He pretended that the fact he had only just arrived home and had been 'living in the wild' for three days didn't dampen his excitement at all I had to show him and I was happy with that!

Welcome back to reality My Beloved! ;)

Another BIG Food Shop.

Oh, to have an organised pantry! *sighs loudly for dramatic effect*

 I Googled pantry organisation the other day. I then fantasised about my immaculately organised and functional pantry. Sorry that should have read my 'future' immaculately organised and functional pantry. Of course that will never happen and I soon realised I was totally wasting my time even thinking about it when I should have been cleaning it out and wiping it down. I didn't though. I blame school holidays. And seven kids, though others may suggest laziness but then they'd be an/a * insert any bad word here you like.*

This morning I decided that I'd do another big stock up shop and eventually after a few false starts I managed to get into town. I was in the sedan and I couldn't just load up with food like I can when I am in the van, I also had four kids with me. After three trolley loads of what I call basics and staples for kitchen and laundry I decided I'd go back into town tomorrow to get other bits and pieces. I think I'll be lucky to get away with just one trolley load.

I came home at five-thirty this afternoon and have been tidying and putting the shopping away ever since, in between dinner and driving the kids here and there. It is now twelve and I am still not quite done, but I do not care. I am going to have a cuppa and eat some camembert cheese whilst I write up tomorrows shopping list. I will have to remember chocolate and I think some honey roasted macadamia nuts too.

Til tomorrow, when I may even decide if I think anyone is actually interested in the contents of my pantry.