Parenthood Are YOU Doing It Right?

I have to laugh at people who don’t have kids. They say the dumbest stuff when it comes to children and ‘ You know what you should do’,six words that can almost instantaneously make my eyes roll, is usually an indication that a dumb statement is about to be made.

These conversations are what I call ‘Humouring Conversations’ they usually start just after a child (yours or someone else's) has done ‘something’ be it a tantrum, failed at something or said something not particularly ideal. Out of social convention more than embarrassment or even care factor at what the other person has seen ( though sometimes it is pure embarrassment) the parent of the child makes a remark like. ‘He/she is so lovely when asleep.’ or a sarcastic ‘That’s my boy/girl.’ perhaps even a heartfelt ‘I don’t know what to do with that child’
That is usually when you hear it…

‘You know what you should do…’

What you would like to say is ‘Please, enlighten me. EVERYBODY knows someone with no children KNOWS everything!’ Instead you say something like, ‘Yes?’ or ‘What?’

The ‘Enlightened One’ then rattles off some crap that you have already tried (99% of the time) or you have not and will not due to the pure stupidity of the suggestion (1% of the time) and really is, of no help what so ever but you always say something nice and gentle in response. They usually go away thinking they have either helped you in your dilemma or believing themselves to be fantastic future parents and you, a ‘poor thing’ that just doesn’t DO it right.

We parents, however laugh a little dismissively to ourselves thinking ‘What a tosser!’ or if we are kind ‘They don’t understand yet, but they will, one day.’ (though more and more often lately, for me at least, it does tend to err on the side of ‘Tosser!’

That is not to say that we as parents ‘know it all’ there are many different ideas and ways of doing things with kids to change behaviours (what works for one child may have absolutely no effect on another) but the chances of a random childless person knowing what those things are, are very slim.

My personal favourite is when your infant/toddler starts a bad habit be it ‘fake crying’ a precursor to the good old fashioned tantrum, because they are starting to learn that if they make the appropriate noises (what ever they happen to be) the chances of getting what they want are greatly increased or a biting/hitting/slapping/pushing etc, etc, etc habit.

‘You should explain to them that they can not do that!’

‘Oh, really? That simple? I cant believe I have never explained that to them! Huzzar!! Problem solved!’ Some one always refers to that child as a brat. They also make these kinds of statements.

‘My child will never do that!’ (Yes. Your child will.  You will think it is ‘cute’ to begin with and it is, to start off with, everything your little bundle of joy does is cute but you need to have actually had a child before to realise it will escalate into not so bloody cute at a later date.)

‘Oh! I would never put up with that!’ ( Yes. You will. Maybe not forever, but you will for some amount of time until they are no longer ‘cute’ or you realise being a good mum does not mean letting your child get everything he or she wants when ever they want. Again, you need to have actually had a child before to know these things.)

‘When we have children they will… ’ (No. They wont. Not unless what ever it is you think they will be doing is still important to you once the child is here and you have got the energy to teach them to do the ‘thing’ in the first place. Of course you need to have actually had a child before to know this.)

‘I will still have time for me/us.’ (Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha OF COURSE YOU WILL! )