Friday, 7 September 2012

What To Do About The Man Child

This post is a little more personal than the usual. But if you are going to Blog about life in any family there are going to be times when you have to touch on things that are not light hearted. To gloss over everything is not my style.  I like to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

I have had a bad week. I went shopping on Wednesday and was confronted by the sight of my 17yr old skipping school. I was not shocked, I was so very ,very disappointed. I stood there watching him and his two mates for three minutes, Why didn't I go over and make a scene? Tell him to get his butt back to school? I don't know. I just stood there watching him and felt so terribly sad.

We have been very lucky it has been only the last six months I have noticed his behaviour slip and only a little. I noticed his grades going down further and a general lack of respect. Just a LITTLE bit. But when I stood there looking at him as he actually was, not as I  his mum see him, I saw a kid who was on the edge of going down the right track and drifting towards the wrong track.

A friend told me about the local Navy Cadets. I decided he was going, that was it. Respect, leadership skills, confidence and life skills, not to mention a good resume ( for future job hunting) were just some of the benefits of joining. He needs it before it is too late. My mummy senses think it is not to late, but it IS getting there. Where were my mummy senses before now? I do not know. I figured as we gave him slack to do his 'thing' ( because his past actions had always and I do mean ALWAYS proven him to be responsible and trustworthy) he would not feel the need to 'buck' the system. But obviously I was wrong in that assumption. Until this week I believed I could rely on him to do the right thing. Every time. He had not given me reason to believe otherwise.

Now don't get me wrong. He is not doing anything other than skipping school... yet. But I do not want him going anywhere near the path that so many kids are going down. So something has to be done before it is too late. My Beloved and I are in shock but also blaming ourselves. We missed a sign here or there or everywhere. We realise of course that he has been a good kid and he knows right from wrong and ultimately he is making these decisions but as parents it is your JOB to help your kids when you see them coming up to a fork in the road and you feel somewhere inside that they will take the wrong road.

I worry that it will escalate. I worry he and his friends are bad influences on each other.. I worry because the morning after his first visit to the Navy Cadets he skipped the whole day of school. I worry because he blatantly lied to me about doing so. I worry because that boy is not the boy I know. I worry because for the first time in my life as a parent I am feeling unsure of how to handle a situation. I worry if coming down on him like a ton of bricks is wise. I worry if not doing so is wise. I even worry that my doubting him now is the wrong thing to do. I worry. I worry. I just... worry. But

Some would say you are worrying over nothing. It is just a phase and it is a phase but not one I want to see continue. I was glad to hear from another friend that a similar thing happened with her brother, he was enrolled into the army reserves by his mother and is now doing very well in the Army. I am not thinking of the Navy Cadets as a future for my son in the armed forces, but I am seeing it as beneficial thing for him and it will open many doors for him. Door that seem, for the moment at least, closed to him.


  1. ((hugs)) for your poor, worried mama's heart! It is so hard to watch our older teens teeter on the edge. Sometimes they will right themselves, but often they just don't know how to pull themselves back.
    Maybe he needs to know that you know what he's done and explain that he has lost your trust and that he needs to earn it back again. Hopefully, that's all he would need to make him realize that he's still got a chance to make things right and the cadets will be wonderful for him too.

    1. Thank you mamamia for your hugs! Your right. I spoke to him very seriously about it again and I laid it on the line for him. His father chatted with him about it last night. We told him that he needs to stop and think seriously about just what it is he is doing. He knows now that it has been deemed serious, he said because I didn't 'go off' he figured It was not that big a deal (in our minds). It is part of your child growing up that I have no experience with yet and it is very hard not to 'take over' as is appropriate when they are little! lol But they have to do things themselves! I have another grey hair! ;)


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